When the Columbia Federalist reached out to Williams for comment, he explained “Yeah, I know it’s the second day of classes, but I’ve already mapped out all of my courses for the…
Similarly, SEAS freshman Reid Jection describes the Activities Fair as reinvigorating his waning inferiority complex. “I’m really looking forward to this week,” he says, “Filling out endless Google Forms and anxiously sweating…
Last year, I had a particularly unfortunate Tinder hook-up experience which lasted roughly 30 seconds. The offending gentleman in question was completely unabashed, however, at his brief performance. Upon seeing my disappointment,…
Confused SEAS kid emerges from his Furnald room for the first time since March: ‘Where is everyone?’
“We are a pretty social dorm,” Kelvin bragged bashfully, “Before I went into hibernation, we organised a floor outing to see the Battle of the Bands in Lerner Party Space— our usual…
PrezBo told the Fed: “I was eager to find out how Trump managed to pay only $750 in taxes in 2016. I’m still paying closer to $1,000 in income tax -- I…
#1: Buy a penthouse on the Upper East Side. It can foster community and you won't be confined to a small apartment. It worked for iconic Columbia students Serena van der Woodsen…
Although Trump ignored RBG’s dying wish of being replaced after the election, she can rest easy knowing her replacement is not only from the “very disgraceful, liberal institution” where she went to…
To whomever is reading this: I am a cold, soggy-ass, lonely fucking slice of chickpea pizza. I was “baked” on March 10th (originally frozen a year prior). I used to gleefully bask…
The email continued “Although Justice Ginsberg may have begun law school at Harvard and only transferred to Columbia to accommodate her husband’s new job, her diploma says ‘Columbia’ so we get to…
“The appearance of the law must be upheld— especially when it is being broken.”Thought this was a murmuring about Columbia graduate students being evicted and losing their funding during a global pandemic?…
