Columbia’s Uncircumsized Men’s Society Lobbying for More On-Campus Representation

Columbia’s Uncircumsized Men’s Society (CUMS) has come out this week with an open letter to the Columbia community calling out the university on “decades of marginalization.” CUMS is demanding more architectural representation on campus for those who are not circumcised. They believe that if Columbia is going to be promoting penises, they should be sure to provide students with an accurate depiction of the various styles.  

Club president Harry Ball, SEAS ’23, commented, “We feel very hurt that only a circumcised phallus is displayed on campus. Columbia needs to expand its architecture to be a more inclusive, accurate portrayal of the diverse bodies on campus.”

In response, Columbia has agreed to adorn the penis fountains with coverings for the winter months. They will be enlisting Gosh Yarn It!, the Columbia knitting club, to create long, knit foreskins that perfectly match the fountains’ skintones. In addition, Columbia Health Services will be staging theatrical cleanings of the fountains to raise awareness of the dangers of unclean foreskin.