How to Weave Your Major Into Any Conversation: A List

Graphic by Lauren Unterberger

wThe school year is just starting, and we’re all meeting new people. With these first impressions, it is vital that other people know EXACTLY what you’re studying. The Fed is back with another classic listicle to ensure that you can do so, discreetly. 

  • Physics

Throw an apple at them and start calculating the velocity (please calculate with air resistance).

  • Psychology

Ask them what their MBTI result is, or if their parents love them. 

  • Chemistry

Just break down crying!

  • Biology

Say you’re pre-med.

  • Math

As long as you don’t make eye contact, they’ll get the message. 

  • Neuroscience

You’re not allowed to talk in the library. / Shush someone in the library.

  • Architecture

No need to sweat getting it in there; people will be able to tell by how cool you are.

  • Film

Ask the other person about their top three favorite directors. No worries if they have more. Who doesn’t!

  • Philosophy

Ask them why they think killing babies is morally wrong, and then proceed to explain (for five minutes or more) why they’re wrong about it and why we need an entire field of study to justify your answer.

  • Environmental science

Explain why your depression is caused by climate change.

  • Literature

5-syllable words only.

  • Dance

No words are necessary; put that hair in a bun and just start spinning!

  • History

Ask if they want to see your World War II diorama.

  • Music

Ask who their favorite artist is. No matter their answer, make them feel judged.

  • Physical Education

As long as you’re wearing a tracksuit, you’ll be good.

  • Human Rights

Anytime someone is smiling, be sure to remind them about poverty trends in the United States.

  • Economics

Say “uh” between every third word. Or, if you’re in JJ’s, they’ll already know.

  • Any language

As long as your voice is laden with the accent, you’ll be good. 

  • Political Science

Say the phrase, “I hate to be the devil’s advocate.”

  • Sociology

Mumble nonsense about nothing and everything all at once (mention Durkheim at least once), then claim it’s science. 

  • Computer Science

Let’s be real, you aren’t meeting anyone.

  • Engineering

See Computer Science.

  • Undecided

Mention how much you hate reading the Iliad.