by Beau Gantz December 7, 2025December 7, 2025 Articles/On Campus “I’m Probably Gonna Light Up Some Tree of My Own After This:” Things Roar-Ee Said to Me During the Tree Lighting Ceremony. On behalf of the Fed, I spent Thursday night at the tree-lighting ceremony, in search of something funny that might happen (i.e. fart, etc). I found myself standing next to a shivering… Continue Reading »
Food and Drink/Poetry Behind the Line: A Haiku Dedicated to the Employees of JJ’s Diner by Federalist Staff December 4, 2025December 4, 2025 Dining in tonight? Hey! You deaf son of a bitch! Stay behind…
Articles/Claire Shipman/Politics Claire Shipman Announces New Constitution Lighting Ceremony by Beau Gantz December 2, 2025December 2, 2025 After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the…
On Campus Op-Ed: Man Cannot Live On Popcorn Alone by Thomas Germain September 6, 2016November 6, 2021 A heart-wrenching account of one student's personal journey this summer.…
On Campus Students Return Refreshed and Ready to Commit to a Semester of Heavy Drinking by Anonymous September 5, 2016November 6, 2021 Students are ready to buckle down this school year.…
On Campus Freshmen Zeroing In On Who In Class Will Be “That Guy” by Ben Greenspan August 30, 2016November 6, 2021 Will it be the kid who rides his Ripstik everywhere, or the one who keeps eating his food in a tree?…
On Campus Amount of Vomit on Carman Toilet Seat Hits One-Year Low by The Feditorial Board August 25, 2016November 6, 2021 "It's a beautiful thing," the Carman 7 custodian says.…
On Campus Grad Student Union Successfully Negotiates Cap on Obnoxious Undergrad Questions by The Feditorial Board August 24, 2016November 6, 2021 Any undergrad who attempts to quibble about problem set grades will be placed on a campus-wide blacklist.…
On Campus Freshman Reading Whole Iliad Like He Has No Bullshitting Skills or Something by Max Rosenberg August 23, 2016November 6, 2021 He appears convinced that he will need an actual knowledge of the text.…
World Abercrombie and Fitch to Sponsor Ryan Lochte by Anonymous August 22, 2016November 6, 2021 "We're a brand for douches of all races and creeds, so long as they can pass for white."…
World BREAKING: Trump Pledges to Name Guy Fieri Head of the FDA by Max Rosenberg August 19, 2016November 6, 2021 America is riding a one-way bus to Flavortown,…
On Campus Unpaid Freshman Internship Was A Fulfilling Experience by Hailey Riechelson August 18, 2016November 6, 2021 He says he "really gets to see how to process works" and is "getting his foot in the door."…
World Islamic State Olympic Fencing Team Perfectly Executes in Competition by The Feditorial Board August 13, 2016November 6, 2021 The team consistently heads the rankings.…
On Campus After Grueling Two Months, Intern Ready for Management Position by Andre Adams August 2, 2016November 6, 2021 "My real skills lie in delegation."…
World MTA to Host Hot Yoga in Unairconditioned Subway Cars by Akoš Pensov August 2, 2016November 6, 2021 Everybody loves showing up to work after completely sweating out their harmful toxins.…