World Santa To Give Only One Present After Sleighline Charges Him For Carry-Ons by Max Rosenberg December 24, 2015November 13, 2021 He also forgot his toothbrush, so make sure to tell your children to leave him one.…
World Hefty Christmas Shopping Puts Santa In Crippling Credit Card Debt by Iqraz Nanji and Max Rosenberg December 24, 2015November 13, 2021 Due to budget cuts, management will have to outsource his workshop to China.…
World Contract Negotiation Protests Make Elf Union Delay Christmas by Iqraz Nanji December 22, 2015November 13, 2021 End the war on socially just Christmas!…
On Campus Angry Barnard Students Burn Down Frat Row by Kashaf Doha December 21, 2015November 13, 2021 "I deplore violence in all forms - except cathartic, patriarchy-consuming flames."…
World Trump Tells Santa to Put Muslims on Naughty List by Thomas Germain December 21, 2015November 13, 2021 He's urging Santa to check his database twice.…
On Campus Home For Break, Barnard Student Realizes She Has Surpassed Family In Intelligence, Pretentiousness by Ainsley Bandrowski December 21, 2015November 13, 2021 "They don't even know what non-corporatized coffee tastes like at home!"…
World Facebook User Still Bitter About Redesign of 2008 by Anonymous December 20, 2015November 13, 2021 "A little part of me died along with my wall."…
World Martin O’Malley Remembers Martin O’Malley Is Running For President During Debate by Max Rosenberg December 20, 2015November 13, 2021 He was still making up his mind between Hillary and Bernie while tuning into Saturday's debate from his podium.…
On Campus A Declaration of the Immediate Causes that Induce and Justify Graduate Student Confederation by Iqraz Nanji December 20, 2015November 13, 2021 By General Lee Bollinger…
World Tulane University Expanded To Fourlane University Due To Congestion Concerns by Anonymous December 19, 2015November 13, 2021 Once construction begins, Tulane will change its mascot from a pelican to a crane.…
World Michelangelo’s David Claims He’s A “Grower, Not A Shower” by Shawma Chun December 18, 2015November 13, 2021 "There weren't exactly water heaters back then." …
World Ted Cruz Sprains Back After Taking Huge Leap In Iowa Polls by Iqraz Nanji December 17, 2015November 13, 2021 At least we know Ted Cruz has a spine, after all.…
