"Many believe that Michael Phelps would have brought home even more hardware had he not been injured in an attack orchestrated by Tonya Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly."…
"In the absence of any real personality, our midwestern students sometimes struggle to find their niche on campus, and must resort to misguidedly boasting about their native climate." …
"Coach, I get the game plan. When can we go out there and get this thing going?" …
"All this time I was talking about rabbis, but he was thinking about priests?”…
"I’ve always been torn between my love of Gertrude Stein and weirdly shaped plants. But now I don’t have to be.”…
Terrorist Sacrifices Life for Seventy-Two Virgins, Revives In Art of Engineering Classroom
by Anonymous
"There were at least 90 virgins in that room, so I do feel like I got some decent value.”…
"I’ve never introduced myself without explicitly mentioning it: 'He/Him/His, Columbia College, Burbank, California.'"…
"As of press time, the research team reported they had gotten 'blitzed' off of $7 vodka and had just purchased tickets to a Dave Matthews reunion tour show."…
“Honestly, after spending twenty minutes trying to find the Allen wrench I dropped under the couch, I’ve realized he was a terrible father."…
"This way, students can rest assured that even if that misdiagnosed strep throat becomes fatal, their souls will be preserved in eternal light."…
