Family of Deceased IKEA Founder Struggling to Assemble His Coffin


STOCKHOLM – The family of IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad, who died Sunday, has has expressed frustration at their inability to construct the Kamprad’s IKEA brand coffin in advance of his funeral, which is to be held in the coming days.

“It’s just so hard to put it together,” said a visibly sweaty Mathias Kamprad, son of the deceased. “The instructions are entirely graphics-based and the cute drawings of crying people in the background really are not doing a lot for the morale around here. We wanted to get him a higher end coffin but the prices those were just killer.”

The coffin, part of IKEA’s “Kista” line, comes in convenient packaging but is shipped totally unassembled, like the majority of the company’s products. The release of the coffin comes as IKEA moves to expand its control of the budget furniture business by entering  into the lucrative sarcophagus market. The Kista line has hit some stumbles though, as the instructions for the coffin’s assembly continue to baffle a number of bereaved families.

According to IKEA, part of the Kista’s appeal is that families can use the construction of the coffin as a tool for emotional development, but Kamprad says the experience has done more harm than good. “Honestly, after spending twenty minutes trying to find the allen wrench I dropped under the couch, I’ve realized he was a terrible father,” Kamprad said, nursing a splinter wound. “I’m glad he’s dead.”

As of press time, the young Kamprad was on hold with the IKEA helpline, while frantically counting screws on the floor of his Stockholm apartment.

In Other News