Columbia University is determined to seeing that all class day ceremonies and Commencement occur without a hitch. In this spirit, we have added your mom to all University Committees to ensure that…
Dear Alma, I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for a while now. Normally, we eat in the dining halls (we LOVE the Ferris pasta bar) or cook in his suite’s private…
In an unsurprising and highly precedented move, I am officially announcing that I will not be moving back to Indiana after graduation. I know this may come as a surprise to literally…
We all have our insecurities. Believe it or not, even the President of the United States does. Reportedly, Temu delivery driver Kyle Scott, delivered a large shipment of jade green gua sha…
Insider sources, speaking on condition of anonymity, have confirmed that Columbia University has agreed with the federal government to do whatever it takes to make this stop. While top universities were stunned…
WASHINGTON, DC — President Trump appeared to walk back his comments from last week, affirming his commitment to the continuance of Cinco de Mayo celebrations in the United States amidst tariff negotiations…
In the latest international intellectual battle, Italian journalist Benito Mussolini has announced plans to sue President Donald Trump over the work of the latter’s presidency. Mussolini claims that Trump failed to properly…
If your head line is curved… you’re a progressive person. Certainly more progressive than your roommate, who is about to get rejected by his long-term class crush and enter the manosphere. In…
In an unexpected change of plans, this year’s Columbia Commencement Speaker, previously announced as author Jodi Kantor (CC ‘96), will be replaced by Tilikum the Orca (Sea World ‘17). In the wake…
Alright, clearly you haven’t been taking us seriously. We told you to complete the training. We told you it was New York state law. We told you that if you didn’t do…
