Transmission loading… Hello, person receiving this. The year is 2094. The Earth’s second moon has disappeared behind the horizon, leaving behind a purple glow. I’m in one of the last available shelters…
HEY! Hey, you there! Don’t flip to the next page, WAIT! I’m Little Gregory, and I’m stuck inside The Fed’s printing press. I know, I know, from the rest of the paper,…
It’s no secret that Barnard’s very own President Rosenbury has been the subject (read: creator) of quite a few scandals. Faithful to her stifling approach to governance, her approach to free speech…
This week, it was announced from the Columbia College Student Council that, while budget cuts have made bouncy houses and fair games unattainable this autumn, they are still committed to making sure…
According to a tip from Public Safety employee Al Lydsikirity, the University’s campus-wide mask ban sure stirs up some trouble around Halloween. Al explained to The Fed that the policy was a…
Yes! Homecoming season is here! Suit up, boys, let’s get this dub! Who’re we playing? Penn? Perfect! They suck! They’re good? Who cares! It’s our responsibility to support our athletics, specifically on…
In a less-than-ideal start to Parents’ Weekend, this Friday morning, campus’ Broadway gates endured a vicious mob of furious parents from all across the world. Enraged shouting in Cantonese, Mandarin, Russian, Hindi,…
Many Columbia graduates find themselves pursuing professions in the startup space after graduation. One intrepid student “stumbled upon” what he described as a “mind-blowing” opportunity when he was offered a position at…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN: This past Monday, when students in Columbia’s School of International and Public Affairs (SIPA) awoke to check their inboxes, instead of the usual slurry of job rejections and political…
With Columbia’s recent announcement that community members will now be able to enter the 116th gates for the first time in nearly two years, many Morningside Heights residents are excited at the…
