"If I need to choose between cultural sensitivity and blacking out in an 'I Put the Double D’s in St. Paddy’s Day' crop top, pour me a shot.”…
"Asked what other things he liked about McKinsey, Johnstone said, 'Well, it’s the best one. Like it’s on Forbes and shit.'”…
"If only Trump and Muslim refugees could sit down at the negotiating table and enjoy a bowl of Pizza Twist Macaroni..."…
“I even moved some girl’s warm bra and panties to check for my virginity underneath...but it was nowhere to be found."…
"I didn’t choose to want to fuck Paul Ryan. It’s just the way I am."…
“I’m not asking for much. I mean, don’t be so stingy! A small $50,000 gift will suffice to give my Audi a 6-inch lift.”…
"It may be hard work, but we will never stop policing injustices as long as doing so draws attention to our social media presence.”…
"Program participants will receive an engraved Brown University bong, readily available for purchase at the university bookstore for $39.95."…
"Governor Reuben won a landslide victory to become the state’s first Toasted-American governor."…
"I always just assumed I would work at Morgan Stanley, but recently I’ve been dreaming about McKinsey.”…
