After dismounting from their camels and waiting in a gaggle of Barnard students, the three wise men finally reached the East Campus front desk. Fortunately, Joey, an EC resident, agreed to sign…
As of this morning, Columbia Safety has warned students about ICE on Columbia’s Morningside Campus. Students are advised to avoid their biting tactics such as tricking students in poorly lit places about…
As a child, I interpreted the novel From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler as my Bible and studied the Night at the Museum movie as if they were my…
In a new report coming out from the Columbia Economics Department, Professor Monet Talks demonstrates that the Lerner revolving door on 115th Street is a site of the prisoner’s dilemma, a cornerstone…
TRAGIC — A recent investigation by The Fed has revealed the emotionally devastating story of a Philadelphia-born Columbia student. This poor young man was left in a five-day lobotomized state of shock…
“Welcome to campus!” they say with a smile, taking off your coat as they roll out the red carpet. One member of the committee brings you a hot cup of coffee while…
We all know the infamous Butler Library architrave—engraved with the names of dead, white dudes who chiseled the literary canon and the “examination of the human condition” into what it is today,…
More than 400 Columbia students enter the hallowed halls of Chef Mike’s each day. And at least one of them has asked, “where does my ham come from?” Well, with the launch…
When I found a pair of wire-framed glasses on the floor of JJ’s last Thursday night, I knew I was about to deceive you bitches. When I pressed my thumb against those…
On the twelfth day of Christmas my situationship gave to me: Twelve IDs tapping, Eleven JJs nuggets, Ten football losses, Nine discussion posts, Eight Kingsmen singing, Seven frat parties, Six baddies fumbled,…
