Insider sources, speaking on condition of anonymity, have confirmed that Columbia University has agreed with the federal government to do whatever it takes to make this stop. While top universities were stunned…
If your head line is curved… you’re a progressive person. Certainly more progressive than your roommate, who is about to get rejected by his long-term class crush and enter the manosphere. In…
In an unexpected change of plans, this year’s Columbia Commencement Speaker, previously announced as author Jodi Kantor (CC ‘96), will be replaced by Tilikum the Orca (Sea World ‘17). In the wake…
Alright, clearly you haven’t been taking us seriously. We told you to complete the training. We told you it was New York state law. We told you that if you didn’t do…
The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and senior theses have been submitted. Most seniors would take this tranquil moment before finals to enjoy their final weeks at Columbia. However, The…
In response to leaked plans of a new encampment, Columbia Public Safety has heightened its security measures to prevent another occupation of South Lawn. In a memo to Public Safety officers obtained…
Each day seems to bring worse and worse news about the grim fate of higher education in the United States. First, the removal of $400 million in federal grants from Columbia, then…
Do you like being an annoying little jerk à la Home Alone (1990)? Were you the kid that reminded the teacher about homework at the end of class? Well if you’re also…
Following a study conducted by the Columbia Graduate School of Architecture, researchers determined that Low Library falsely claimed an altitude far below its real location on campus. Architectural scholars, who had long…
In recent campus news, Columbia representatives announced that legacy admission students would now be given a leg up in getting into the university: “We believe that the debates about the impact of…
