The subjects were seen frantically pantomiming, soliloquizing, and talking to a skull in the vicinity of Miller Theatre. There is one casualty confirmed at this time.…
President Bollinger has also ordered a pair of headphones for every member of the Columbia administration, so that they will be safeguarded from “noisy distractions. . . like that pesky graduate student…
The Dean of Undergraduate Admissions, Jessica Marinaccio, stated to The Federalist that all of the applications were submitted to the General Studies school with the heading, “LET ME IN CUZ I FUCKING…
"Does selling out count as an extracurricular?"…
“Here, It’s all about the feel and texture of the card. The plastic has to feel right in your fingers. When you know this is not a legitimate ID, it’s time to…
The Federalist Paper stands — or, rather, marches — in solidarity with the Columbia University Marching Band (CUMB), our brothers and sisters in satire. …
“We at The Pokémon Company recognize out unique position as possibly the only organization able to mobilize people around the world to maintain basic functionality of their bodies. In today’s society, Pokémon…
“Every journey starts with fear.” — Jake Gyllenhaal…
The list of cons is topped by, and consists exclusively of, the entrapment of my titties against the wind. Don’t we all deserve to feel that?…
Y’all remember when rainbows were for finding pots of gold? I do.…
