The Columbia Federalist

by Federalist Staff

December 4, 2025December 4, 2025

Food and Drink/Poetry

Behind the Line: A Haiku Dedicated to the Employees of JJ’s Diner

Dining in tonight? Hey! You deaf son of a bitch! Stay behind the line!!…

Articles/Claire Shipman/Politics

Claire Shipman Announces New Constitution Lighting Ceremony

by Beau Gantz

December 2, 2025December 2, 2025

After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the…

Advice/Articles

Other funny numbers we could do:

by Julia Ryan

December 1, 2025December 1, 2025

…

Articles/New York City/Style

‘It Will Always Be New York or Nowhere’ Reads Sweatshirt of Girl Who Moved Here Three Months Ago

by Inica Kotasthane

November 29, 2025November 29, 2025

Fran Splant, CC ’29, was recently spotted wearing a sweatshirt with ‘It…

On Campus

The Fall of an Ivy League Student: North of 125th Street

by Seth Farkas

June 21, 2016November 6, 2021

Farewell, friends.…

World

Jesus Not Quite Sure What to Buy For Father’s Day

by Anonymous

June 19, 2016November 6, 2021

"I feel like Dad already has everything."…

On Campus

Maggie the Magnolia Not Dead, Just Menopausal

by Iqraz Nanji

June 17, 2016November 11, 2021

Panic struck the Barnard campus this week when Maggie the Magnolia did not bloom on schedule.…

World

Donald Trump Proposes Ban on Alligators

by McKenzie Fritz

June 17, 2016November 11, 2021

"They are dangerous, foreign, radical killers."…

World

With Whopping 5% of U.S. Population’s Vote, Clinton Becomes Democratic Nominee

by Andre Adams

June 15, 2016November 11, 2021

Incredible: Clinton earned the votes of a group as large as the season finale audience of The Walking Dead.…

World

New Gun Owners Required to Pinky Swear They Won’t Kill Anyone

by Ben Greenspan

June 14, 2016November 11, 2021

Congressional Republicans are fighting a last-minute amendment requiring gun owners to also "cross their hearts."…

On Campus

Senior Wisdom

by The Feditorial Board

May 12, 2016November 11, 2021

Learn from Columbia's wisest degenerates.…

On Campus

Columbia Will Replace Diplomas With Eviction Notices

by Max Rosenberg

May 11, 2016November 11, 2021

"We're just asking you to divert your $60,000 per year towards rent."…

On Campus

Columbia’s Most Unbearable Rejoice As “Incoming Summer Analyst” Becomes “Summer Analyst”

by Juvenal

May 11, 2016November 11, 2021

"It seems like just yesterday I was telling all of my 424 LinkedIn connections that I had gotten a job at Morgan Stanley."…

World

Helium Announces Preferred Gender Pronouns

by Iqraz Nanji

May 10, 2016November 11, 2021

This might mess with your organic chemistry final.…

On Campus

In Effort to Reduce Stress Culture, Columbia Will Become a State School

by The Feditorial Board

May 10, 2016November 11, 2021

Welcome to SUNY MoHi.…

On Campus

In Last Ditch Effort, Sophomore Virgin Blames Celibacy on Zionist Conspiracy

by Ben Greenspan

May 9, 2016November 11, 2021

GOOGLE IT! The Jews control JSwipe.…

Previous 1 … 109 110 111 112 113 … 125 Next

Columbia's Only Newspaper That Is Also a Write-In Candidate

Behind the Line: A Haiku Dedicated to the Employees of JJ’s Diner

Claire Shipman Announces New Constitution Lighting Ceremony

Other funny numbers we could do:

‘It Will Always Be New York or Nowhere’ Reads Sweatshirt of Girl Who Moved Here Three Months Ago

The Fall of an Ivy League Student: North of 125th Street

Jesus Not Quite Sure What to Buy For Father’s Day

Maggie the Magnolia Not Dead, Just Menopausal

Donald Trump Proposes Ban on Alligators

With Whopping 5% of U.S. Population’s Vote, Clinton Becomes Democratic Nominee

New Gun Owners Required to Pinky Swear They Won’t Kill Anyone

Senior Wisdom

Columbia Will Replace Diplomas With Eviction Notices

Columbia’s Most Unbearable Rejoice As “Incoming Summer Analyst” Becomes “Summer Analyst”

Helium Announces Preferred Gender Pronouns

In Effort to Reduce Stress Culture, Columbia Will Become a State School

In Last Ditch Effort, Sophomore Virgin Blames Celibacy on Zionist Conspiracy

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