Physics Student Sues Columbia for Cruel and Unusual Punishment in Frontiers of Science

SCHERMERHORN – Brandon Lee CC ’20 is suing Columbia University, alleging that he has suffered cruel and unusual punishment on a weekly basis as a student in Frontiers of Science.

Lee, a physics major, says the course material was rudimentary to the point of being torturous. “I thought we were just warming up when the professor asked us how science made us feel,” Lee says. “I didn’t realize that question made up the bulk of the course syllabus. A man can only take so much.”

Lee says that while the course may have been interesting for his feeble-minded humanities counterparts, for him it was useless – and painfully so. “If the hardest class you’re taking is medieval military history, maybe memorizing parts of the brain might be challenging for you. But I’m in honors physics. So to me, FroSci is more useless than my nipples.”

When asked to respond to Lee’s allegations that Frontiers of Science is not challenging enough, Columbia College Dean James Valentini said that many humanities majors couldn’t handle a more rigorous science course. “What you must realize is that we take beginner’s mind very literally here. Even though most students got 5’s on all their AP science exams, after coming to Columbia many of them suddenly started to suck at math and science,” Valentini said. “They had to rid their brains of formulas to make room for more important things like Montaigne and Machiavelli–they’re humanities students now. If we made the course any harder they might get a little stressed.”