As thousands of wide-eyed freshmen join our Columbia community each fall, many undergo the rigorous process of trying to join various student groups that, unlike the Columbia Federalist, require an application. But…
Last Monday, Physics Professor Brian Greene declared the Schermerhorn Extension a new scientific breakthrough for studying the theory of both special and general relativity. While previous studies have shown that mass is…
During the student-led protests and encampments last semester, WKCR was heralded for providing accurate, on-the-ground reporting of campus happenings for not only Columbia students but also the broader American public. On April…
No seriously: he just sits there, randomly guesses four things, and somehow manages to be one away. Then he uses all his guesses, gets nothing right, opens an incognito tab, and does…
Well, that was fast. Columbia’s interim president, Katrina Armstrong, has resigned after barely more than a month on the job. An independent review of communications to the student body from Columbia administrators…
Twenty-five years after the last major update of SSOL in 2001 following the .com bubble burst and the concurrent cheapening of software engineer labor, the Registrar’s Office has announced plans to reformat…
Oh Woozoo, Your blessed blades breathe air within my Brooks dorm room Your swiveling head surveys atop the shoebox, sustaining a subtle breeze that whispers a coo I know it is not…
No, we’re not fucking with you. For once, The Federalist is publishing real news. According to a report released by Sunrise Columbia, the university has accepted $43 MILLION from fossil fuel corporations…
We at The Federalist are proud to announce our first-of-its-kind, exclusive interview with a transgender extraterrestrial from the ❆❅❄ star system.“⟟ ⏃⋔ ⏃ ⏁⍀⏃⋏⌇☌⟒⋏⎅⟒,” it said, admiring the penis fountain near Low.…
Duo, Columbia’s student account multi-factor verification service, has been known to terrorize students with unnecessary identity verification before they even step on campus. To address user concerns of not being able to…
