TV Networks Release New Fall TV Lineup

In a world consumed by streaming platforms, major television networks are willing to try anything to get you out of your Netflix, Disney+, and Dropout subscriptions and into the jaws of a Comcast contract. Here are this fall’s desperate attempts:

  • Man versus Food versus Militia
    • This fall, Guy Fieri is taking on his biggest culinary challenge yet: the United States Armed Forces. Guy’s done with diners, drive-ins, and dives: he’s ready for tanks, land mines, and the potential to die! Brought to you by the Hospital of Special Surgery.
  • Bachelor in Hell
    • Dante is looking for love in all the wrong places! This November, 12 freshly dead and unattached singles will journey into the depths of Inferno and their own hearts. Stay tuned for the group dates in the second circle; the drama will blow you away! [Spoiler for After the Final Pit: Beatrice confirmed winner]
  • Bob’s Impossible Burgers
    • Self-explanatory
  • It’s Always Acid Raining in Philadelphia
    • From the creators who brought you It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, here’s a new show that is very different and new! You’ll see all the characters you love and tolerate back on the big screen, this time fighting the dire climate change crisis with their frothy humor!
  • American Hidden Community Idol
    • What do people love? Reality TV. We add the starpower of American Idol to the survivalist deprivation of Survivor. Who will win? Who will eat a bug? Watch as belters are broken by the psychological damages of solving a puzzle for 45 minutes as they try to whistle-tone their way off of the island.