What Is the Largest Animal You Would Kill if the Federalist Told You It Was Invasive?

Graphic by Olivia Ruble

The spotted lanternfly has been public enemy number one for Columbia students ever since multiple state governments put a hit out on it. Dozens of lanternfly corpses now litter the streets in front of Barnard and Columbia. While they are certainly a danger, lanternflies are relatively easy to kill. In order to truly show your devotion to environmentalism, the Fed wants to know the largest animal you’d kill if we told you it was invasive. 

Lanternflies are easy to pick off, but if we said that the rats on 109th street were getting out of hand, would you rise to the occasion? If you want to call yourself a true environmental activist, you’d better be prepared to do your part and start exterminating some rodents.

The next time a pigeon poops on me, they’re all going down on the invasive list. You’d better get your throwing arm ready if you want to really save the planet.