FiveThirtyEight Projects Massive Blue Wave Will Flood Coastlines by 2065

After the “Blue Wave” Democrats predicted to sweep the Senate and House turned out to be more of a murky splash following the M104 bus plowing through a puddle, pollsters like Nate Silver at FiveThirtyEight have been speculating about the next time the country will turn blue. 

Don’t worry, it’s sooner than you think. And this time, it’s here to stay.

Keep driving your gas-guzzling Lexuses and running the AC with the windows open, because if we keep up the good work, we can expect a big blue wave to flood coastlines across the country by 2065. 

Florida especially, just 4 inches above sea level, will finally stop pissing around and just Go Blue.

You’re confused? You thought voters controlled who won elections and the moon controlled the sea? We thought so too, but it turns out large corporations control both. What do you know!