Columbia’s Administration has heard your many—many, unrelenting, truly unending— complaints, and, after months of careful consideration, is introducing the perfect solution: CUID Premium. This multi-tiered subscription service will offer a variety of…
Polly Tickl, managing editor of Columbia’s premier journal for review of politics, was proud and honored to be called forth when a man collapsed on the ground after complaining of chest pains. …
Addressing housing and overpopulation concerns, newly crowned President Jennifer Mnookin has announced a new plan to halve the total student population, either across the stomach or “right down the middle.” Half of…
In the perilous depths and plateaus of despair that have mired campus, the strong and effervescent Columbia Women’s Basketball team has risen above the rest to deliver unto us holy victory. The…
The Justice Department’s release of three million additional files from the Epstein investigation has sent shockwaves through the Columbia community, implicating several prominent professors, trustees, and “Center for Well-Being” namesakes. However, none…
In an email titled “Barnard College Commencement Update,” the Barnard College Commencement Planning Team announced to graduating seniors that the official Barnard College Commencement has been moved to Robertson Field at Satow…
Clara Neilson-Papfish Barnard College student, Clara “The Swordfish” Neilson-Papfish, has been named the most promising addition to the Swim and Dive team. Though she has not yet learned to swim, her coaches…
In a stunningly prescient move, Columbia University announced Monday its intentions to shuffle around assets in an effort to provide aid to the long-hurting Barnard. As Hugh G. Tush, a Columbia spokesperson,…
On March 31, President Laura Ann Rosenbury announced that Barnard College would become fully absorbed by Columbia University, relinquishing its reputation as an independent historically women’s institution since 1889. Barnard’s administration has…
“What. The fuck. Happened last night,” said President Rosenbury at the beginning of an emergency meeting of administrators she called on Monday morning. “We need to talk about this,” she continued, proceeding…
