Recently, Iowa State Police released a tape of the University of Iowa Alpha Delta Phi fraternity depicting several pledges hidden in a fraternity house basement, blindfolded and being hazed. The scene was truly an unsightly, even horrifying sight. Immediately after watching, I thought, “That can’t be happening here, could it?” To get to the bottom of this question, with the journalistic integrity of Columbia’s most reliable newspaper, The Columbia Spectador, behind me, I went directly to the source of this potential hazing.
Logically, this led me right to Columbia’s fraternity presidents. While talking to these Greek Life leaders, one thing became very clear: to quote the Sig Nu President, “Haze? No, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that word before.” Clearly, these hands did not, in fact, haze.
Every one of the presidents needed me to look up the definition of hazing in the dictionary, and many said this was the first time they had even seen this term. Fiji’s president, in response to seeing the definition, confidently said, “I have never, and will never, yell specific, demeaning, will-breaking things at our pledges, and I would never, ever, do that while pouring mysterious substances on them, which, by the way, would not make all the brothers, who weren’t in the room, die laughing.”
The AEPi President answered back through email, saying, “Do you know who my dad is? How dare you? Haze!? If you even put our name next to the word haze, get ready for the libel suit.” This reply quickly calmed my fears of hazing, as threatening a libel suit indicates you have strong evidence to support your claim.
One of the most important meetings was with Sig Ep, who warmly invited us to one of their pledge meetings to show us the process firsthand. I can faithfully report that it entirely consists of weekly book readings, fraternity-provided tea, and, of course, crumpets. In fact, there is not a single bit of hazing to be found on Columbia’s Campus.
To all of those who fret and worry for the safety of our Columbia frat boys, a topic keeping us all up at night, worry no longer, The Spectador can happily and assuredly report: this campus is hazing-free.
