Bill and Melinda Gates Fighting for Custody over 150 Million Microchipped Americans

Artwork by Zach Ginsberg

Following the shocking announcement of their divorce, it is becoming increasingly unclear as to how the assets and belongings of Bill and Melinda Gates will be divided. Extremely worrying is the fact that, as of Monday, Bill and Melinda have complete telepathic control over a staggering 150 million vaccinated Americans. A court recently deemed that the microchipped Americans will be legally treated as the former couple’s children, raising numerous difficult questions as to how custody over so many will be decided. Each of the Gates’ legal teams have their own propositions that the public are not yet privy to. However, rumors purport that those in the custody of Bill Gates will be programmed to only be able to use Internet Explorer, renamed Microsoft Edge, for all internet browsing. The Fed wishes all of its readers and staff the best of luck with their new Tech Daddy or Mommy!