The Fed’s Guide to Burnishing Your Summer Resume

Image by Zach Ginsberg

HotVax summer is upon us. Masks are off, fake IDs are out, and more than a few Columbia students have found themselves skipping summer classes and shirking internship work to savor the return to normal. Worried that your pre-professional credentials may be taking a hit? Don’t worry, The Fed has your back. Here is our comprehensive guide to spinning your libertine activities into an impressive summer resumé.

Find yourself spending more time on Tinder than LionMail? You’re just researching the effects of 21st century technology on the sexuality of young adults.

Has your Blood Alcohol Concentration been averaging .15 since the end of Summer A? You’re conducting a micro-study on the bio-medical ramifications of alcohol consumption on the filtration pathways of the teenage liver.

Did you plan a road trip with your high school friends? That was an automotive field study of the geological features of the American Southwest.

Are you headed to your fifteenth picnic on the Great Lawn this month? You’re analyzing the enduring genius of Frederick Law Olmsted’s landscape architecture.

Is your Instagram littered with photoshoots on Low Steps? Those are genre-defying pieces of modern artwork that blend the formality of Neoclassical building design with the irreverent narcissism of Generation Z’s selfie culture.