PETA Not Mad about Turkeys This Year

After many years of advocating for animal rights, PETA has apparently “given up.” The organization posted on all of their social media accounts “Go nuts,” accompanied by a graphic of a cartoon turkey carving a Thanksgiving bird with a big smile and a thumbs up. Bo Popkins, CFO of PETA, shared with The Federalist, “We did a poll with our staff and it turns out, no one really likes turkeys. How worthy of life can you possibly be if I can draw you by tracing my hand?” Popkins, was, of course, referring to PETA’s new policy of not only condoning, but enthusiastically supporting, the ritualistic murder of these weird-chinned fowls.
“We’re still advocating for chicken’s rights,” Po Bobkins, the head of management, said. “Everyone loves chickens, they have so many funny jokes and pop-culture references, like the Chicken Run movie, or why they crossed the road, or playing gay chicken with the bros.” But turkeys? The Fed asked: “Nah, fuck em.”