Manchin, Sinema Hired To Negotiate with Union on Behalf of University

Fresh off of landmark careers of blocking, stalling, and haggling their way to the front of the national stage, Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have become Columbia University’s newest hires.

“We have been thoroughly impressed with their ability to boldly refuse reasonable, common-sense demands,” said Provost Mary Boyce in a statement, referring to the Democrats’ landmark ‘Build Back Better’ proposal. “We truly believe they will be a perfect fit for our negotiating team.”

In an internal memo circulated among administrators, the pair were reportedly brought on after “the office environment began to feel a little too sympathetic.”