Op-Ed: Tie Me up like a Parade Float and Have 40 People Hold Me Down

Sorry Prezbo, but I’m Prezhoe. I’m 8,500 cubic feet of powerful sexual energy, a big Barnard Baddie. I’m an inflatable Snoopy balloon looking for my Red Baron. Show up at 5:00 am to get a good seat for the show. Everything will be broadcast by NBC.

A note from the authors:

Ew sorry this feels icky.  It’s hard having so many sexual thoughts and having nowhere to put them but The Federalist. I can’t vent my sexual frustrations to Spec. They’re all lame virgins who don’t fuck or even write about fucking. I wish there was a place on campus to write porn. Like a porn club? Porn writing club? Does that exist?

Anyway, I’m horny. Happy Thanksgiving!


Matilda, Mollie, & Lauren