Me want banana! So me papoy bo-ka la banana from John Jay. “Tulaliloo ti amo!” papoy me say to le worker at John Jay. Mais po-ka? La banana was green? Blumock! Nononono,…
Matcha and Clairo are all the rage for the Doc Martens-wearing heterosexual men of Columbia University. Labubus on the belt, Laufey baby-tees on the chest, and bell hooks essays in the tote…
This morning, the Office of the Secretary has announced that they’ve found Columbia’s next president. The catch: they aren’t born yet. Just hours ago, the Columbia trustees announced that they have been…
You would think that moving 8000 miles away from home would give me freedom and independence. But alas, the evil creators of Life360 had other plans for my future. Life360 is too…
Students are in outrage upon discovering that, after the failure of its email system and subsequent mail backup, Columbia’s Mail Room decided that any package weighing over 2lbs will be redirected straight…
Columbia students and faculty were stunned upon returning from summer vacation by the sight of College Walk’s new and… freshly manicured appearance. Some have dubbed 2025 as “the summer of bush,” with…
With less than 2 weeks until US News releases their list of best colleges for 2026, Columbia students have been spotted compulsively reloading r/ApplyingToCollege and arguing on the phone with relatives about…
It could’ve happened to anyone. I was downtown last Friday night, a little drunk in some godforsaken divebar. He looked cute. Six five, blue-eyed, even told me he worked in finance with…
The Carman Hall gates are my gates to heaven Feet throbbing from the walk Pretty much from 107, my legs feel every block Though boasting spacious living spaces TV’s and kitchens all…
The Fed has received confirmation from various sources that a woman was seen playing pool at the table relocated to Furnald, making this the first time that anything in that building has…
