by Federalist Staff December 4, 2025December 4, 2025 Food and Drink/Poetry Behind the Line: A Haiku Dedicated to the Employees of JJ’s Diner Dining in tonight? Hey! You deaf son of a bitch! Stay behind the line!!… Continue Reading »
Articles/Claire Shipman/Politics Claire Shipman Announces New Constitution Lighting Ceremony by Beau Gantz December 2, 2025December 2, 2025 After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the…
Articles/New York City/Style ‘It Will Always Be New York or Nowhere’ Reads Sweatshirt of Girl Who Moved Here Three Months Ago by Inica Kotasthane November 29, 2025November 29, 2025 Fran Splant, CC ’29, was recently spotted wearing a sweatshirt with ‘It…
World RNC Erupts In Agreement As Pence Delivers Monosyllabic Grunt by Iqraz Nanji July 21, 2016November 6, 2021 It was widely hailed as one of the most heartfelt moments of the convention thus far.…
World Wardrobe Malfunction Exposes Ted Cruz’s Bare Face on National Television, Shocking Millions by Max Rosenberg July 20, 2016November 6, 2021 No one was prepared for the full-frontal shot.…
World Desperate Bill Clinton Hunts In Vain for a First Husband Speech to Plagiarize by Anonymous July 19, 2016November 6, 2021 With no copy/paste option at his disposal, Clinton worries he'll have to draw from his own experiences.…
World Boris Johnson Begins Brexit Negotiations With Rambling List of Pubs He’s Hooked Up In by Ben Greenspan July 17, 2016November 6, 2021 He drives a hard bargain.…
World Breaking: Trump Names Shapeless Pile of White Flesh with Penis as VP by Andre Adams July 15, 2016November 6, 2021 "You can't honestly expected me to distinguish Chris Christie from any other blob of pink penisey meat."…
World David Cameron Pilfers Little Bottle of Shampoo Before Checking Out of 10 Downing Street by Max Rosenberg July 14, 2016November 6, 2021 Eyewitnesses claim that Cameron also stopped by the kitchen to swipe several croissants "for the road."…
On Campus Lured by a Pikachu, CC Rising Senior Travels Below 110th Street for First Time by Anonymous July 12, 2016November 6, 2021 She kept the MetroCard as a souvenir.…
World Bernie Sanders Receives Consolation Fruit Basket by Hailey Riechelson July 10, 2016November 6, 2021 "I will not stop fighting until honeydew achieves equality in this country."…
World Meteorologists: Night Sky Will Be Star-Spangled For Independence Day by Dylan Sachs July 4, 2016November 6, 2021 A heartwarming tribute.…
World Obama Pardons Annual 4th of July Hot Dog by Thomas Germain July 4, 2016November 6, 2021 The lucky hot dog will live out the rest of his shelf life in a refrigerator on a farm in rural Connecticut.…
World Brexit Victory Celebrated Throughout Victorian England by Alastair Pearson June 24, 2016November 6, 2021 The nineteenth century beckons as Europe marches boldly into the future.…
On Campus Summer Offers Exciting New Forms of Failure for Subpar Students by Andre Adams June 24, 2016November 6, 2021 "Finally, I have the chance to tank a discussion that isn't part of CC with my banal, rambling comments."…