Wrestling Team Promises Reform: No More Snitches to be Allowed Onto the Wrestling Team


DODGE GYM – In a contrite move in response to the recently leaked GroupMe messages, the Columbia University wrestling team has announced that it will “no longer allow dirty snitches onto the team.”

“We hope that with this new policy, we will be able to better cultivate an external image of respect,” Columbia Wrestling Coach Adrian Barth stated. “Without the fear of being tattled on, we expect the team to be able to reach new heights in unbiased and unentitled appearance.”

“We also will not be allowing onto the team any gays, students of color, or straight dudes who can’t get their dicks sucked,” Barth added.

With this new policy, the Columbia community has been left wondering whether any of the current members will be allowed back onto the team come spring.