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Politics - Page 12

Politics

Trump Delivers Concession Speech at Ritz Crackers Factory

by Dessa Gerger, Yumtso Bhum and Becca Garcia
November 15, 2020September 8, 2021

“Who wants Covid?” Trump blurted to the packed lot as he tossed his mask into the crowd with a cheeky grin. Joining Trump on stage via video-link from the U.S. Department of…

Politics/World

FiveThirtyEight Projects Massive Blue Wave Will Flood Coastlines by 2065

by Gustie Owens
November 12, 2020September 8, 2021

Keep driving your gas-guzzling Lexuses and running the AC with the windows open, because if we keep up the good work, we can expect a big blue wave to flood coastlines across…

Advice/Politics

How to Deface Your Neighborhood Trump Posters

by Anonymous
November 11, 2020September 14, 2022

Disclaimer: The Federalist is in no way promoting trespassing or the defacement of posters advertising an absolutely awful president. We are merely showing our readers (who will do this with or without…

Politics

Trump to replace Alex Trebek on Jeopardy!

by Harriet Place
November 9, 2020September 8, 2021

The participants will also reportedly be limited to those who were impeached during their first presidential term as well as those who are legally named Donald John Trump.…

Politics

Nevada Intentionally Delayed Vote-Counting So Americans Could Continue Seeing Steve Kornacki’s Butt on Kornacki Cam

by Rhea Sahai
November 8, 2020September 8, 2021

“In such a stressful time, the only thing that could bring joy to Americans was Steve Kornacki and his number-crunching, democracy-saving, khaki-wearing keister.”…

Politics

Cali Girl Weighs in: “Based on What I Know about Western Pennsylvania…”

by Federalist Staff
November 6, 2020September 29, 2024

“Based on what I know about Western Pennsylvania,” Becket began, “Biden’s confusing messaging on fracking in the final debate may have cost him votes in Erie county. Fracking is SUCH an important…

Politics

TRUMP NUKES PENNSYLVANIA: “Let’s see these motherfuckers count ballots now!”

by Julian Gerber
November 5, 2020September 8, 2021

Trump campaign manager Bill Stepien told The Federalist: “We believe in a fair election, which is why we let Pennsylvania count ballots for a whopping 40 hours before completely obliterating them.”…

Politics/World

Key State of Russia Too Close to Call

by Nurasyl Shokeyev
November 5, 2020September 8, 2021

…

Arts and Culture/Politics

Top Four Spotify Playlists to Get You Through the Impending Civil War

by Anonymous
November 4, 2020April 24, 2023

3. The “My avocado toast was literally shot out of my hand” playlist:Owie! Right now you probs just need some chill vibes to relax while they start amputating but also you’re really…

Politics

A Presidential Stool: Bollinger Hospitalized, Not For COVID

by Dessa Gerger
October 11, 2020September 8, 2021

. According to the students, Bollinger turned his camera off, presumably mistaking it for the mute button. Then, the class heard Mrs. Bollinger ask her husband if he had eaten her zuPoo…

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