MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN— I want to be clear, I don’t know how to dance. Or at least I didn’t before. I have no rhythm. I have no flexibility—only a yearning to spread…
By Ivy Drinken So you want to start drinking without looking like a total idiot, huh? Never fear, first years (or losers), this guide is for you! When that hot guy at…
‘Tis the season of wining and dining. Everyone is concerned about reservations and wait times and doing all the sure-fire things to maximize their Valentine’s Day. No matter who you are, you…
Happy Holidays! This is Santa, sending out a mass dispatch to all your little munchkins — naughty and nice — around the globe. We at the North Pole get a lot of…
Dear Professor [NAME], I hope this email finds you well. I, unfortunately, am not doing so great, especially after taking your exam today. However, I think I have some pretty good explanations,…
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve dreamt of working at [large corporation] in [large city]. I’d imagine swiping into that tall, brutalist building with a smile on my face, dressed…
I _______________________ do hereby agree to be friends with __________________________. In signing this document, each friend agrees: *This rule does not apply when either party is intoxicated. x ____________________________________________ Ex-Turned-Friend One x…
It’s no secret that Columbia security has a stick up their ass. If you’re a resident of New York trying to bring your baby onto campus to touch some grass, or a…
