- A printed-out PDF of your LinkedIn profile in case any adult asks what you’re “doing next”
- A Staples’ “easy” button for DILFS spotted in the crowd
- A single AirPod so you can listen to the new Paul McCartney album while speeches drone on
- A carefully curated “effortlessly emotional” face for photos
- A fog machine set to “dramatic exit”
- A pair of ridiculously large scissors in case you need to cut a ceremonial ribbon
- A “Caution: Wet Floor” sign that can be used to cover trips and falls
- A hand mirror for checking if that TikTok shop lip stain has started to fade
- A crumpled mask in case your dad’s predictions come true and “2020 comes back”
- A mini deodorant and a good excuse to pass it to the person next to you
- A pair of really big sunglasses because you will cry if Rory Gilmore comes out and does her valedictorian speech to Lorelai
- A space-themed fidget spinner/ rainbow pop it/ rubik’s cube/ slime
- A really crunchy apple or a small bag of chips makes a perfect quiet snack
- The hamster that runs the Canvas web page
- Your phone, like, actually do not forget that in an Uber again, as Iqbal will not be driving it all the way back to Manhattan for a second time this semester
