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Ava Young-Stoner

On Campus/Science and Technology/The Core

(GROUND)BREAKING: Digging a Tunnel to the Core of the Earth Now Counts for a Global Core Credit

by Ava Young-Stoner
October 13, 2022October 13, 2022

In an earth-shattering decision from the new dean of Columbia College, Dr. Josef Sorett announced to students via email that digging a tunnel to the core of the Earth will now count…

On Campus

“I’m a Legacy:” Three Questions to Figure Out Whether Your Friend Bought Her Way into Columbia, Her Sorority, or Both

by Ava Young-Stoner
March 2, 2022February 28, 2022

Goose of choice: Does she prefer Golden or Canada? If her coat of choice costs as much as your meal plan, consider finding her parents on LinkedIn; they’re certainly Columbia alums (and…

On Campus/Sports

Mary C. Boyce Announces She Thought “The Strike” Was about Bowling This Whole Time

by Ava Young-Stoner
January 12, 2022January 12, 2022

In a recent university-wide email, Provost Mary C. Boyce admitted to some misconceptions she held about the recently ended labor strike, saying that she thought the phrase ‘Columbia Strikers’ referred to “perhaps…

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