Grandma got run over by Chef Mike Walking home from Uris Christmas Eve You can say he never meant to do it But as for all the students we believe She’d been…
On the twelfth day of winter break, my family gave me Twelve relatives questioning my degree Eleven laps around my boring hometown mall Ten local useless networking candidates to chat with Nine…
Since Donald Trump’s victory in the November 5th presidential election, Columbia’s campus has been shrouded by turmoil and widespread liberal dread. Many students are concerned about their own safety and security, as…
Every student to pass through these hallowed halls must come to the same realization: not that they’ve made the wrong choice to come to Columbia, nor that majoring in Poly Sci is…
Today, New York City officially made one of its most ancient and sacred practices legal. Even though I didn’t even know it was actually “illegal,” the rebellious act of crossing the street…
2. “heyy could I see your answers for the french hw” 3. “What’s your uni?” 4. “Anyone want to meet up this weekend to study?” If you answered mostly A’s, you are…
As of 1:47 AM, The Federalist can officially confirm that your roommate has officially thrown his hat into the ring and is currently running for CC 2026 class representative. In a stunning…
An investigation by your loyal Federalists has revealed a harrowing truth: the beloved books lining the walls of your favorite reading room in Butler are fakes! A tip was called in by…
Kiss right here ________ and hold on to this issue of The Fed to AFFIRM this message. The universe has something in store for you. They are thinking about how to text…
