As of 1:47 AM, The Federalist can officially confirm that your roommate has officially thrown his hat into the ring and is currently running for CC 2026 class representative. In a stunning reversal, your roommate has decided now is the best time to begin his political aspirations, despite having a Dean’s Discipline hearing scheduled for the end of the week. After complaining about how the administration “couldn’t prove that he used ChatGPT” on his midterm, and then complaining about the cost of ChatGPT 4.0, your roommate turned his attention to the upcoming school wide elections. While initial reports were inconclusive, as your roommate was still just coming down from taking half of a 10mg edible, The Federalist can now confirm through two independent sources (your roomates situationship and a poster outside of JJ’s) that he is now an officially registered candidate.
Laying out a series of vague and contradictory policy proposals in a shared google doc, your roommate boldly claimed he had “like, a 95% chance of winning.” Investigative journalists at The Fed, after exploring his campaign literature, confirm that he has styled himself as a change candidate, despite having a building on campus named after his grandfather. After working on his poster in Canva, rather than preparing for a presentation that will count for a fourth of his class grade, your roommate said he was feeling more confident than ever. At press time, your roommate had already racked up two severe and one minor violation in the first 48 hours of his campaign.
