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by Isabella Palit
May 4, 2026May 4, 2026
Cartoons/On Campus

Alma Mater Photo Op

…

Continue Reading »
Articles/Opinion

Reasons Why I Wasn’t At My Friday 8:40

by Federalist Staff
May 4, 2026May 3, 2026

…

Advice/Articles

email GUARANTEED to get you off that waitlist

by Federalist Staff
May 4, 2026May 3, 2026

Dearest Illustrious Professoress Tal Malkin, When I was a child, my mom…

Articles/Breaking News/Claire Shipman/On Campus

Class of 2026 to Donate Large Statue of Claire Shipman Dabbing to Columbia

by Federalist Staff
May 4, 2026May 3, 2026

Claire Shipman will soon step down from her yearlong role as Acting…

World

International Briefing: Middle Eastern Public Radio Launches Kuwait Kuwait Don’t Tell Me

by Anonymous
December 11, 2015November 13, 2021

The program is scheduled to follow Qatar Talk.…

On Campus

Conquistadors Recolonize Columbia’s Discourse

by Montezuma, King of the Aztecs, Business School '18
December 10, 2015November 13, 2021

Hernan Cortes dissolved all social justice on Wednesday in a flawless Westchester accent.…

On Campus

A Letter From the New Night Manager of M2M

by Ben Greenspan
December 2, 2015November 13, 2021

I'm scared, I'm lonely, and if I have to tell someone that I don't know where the dried seaweed is one more time, I think I'm going to lose my mind.…

On Campus

Al-Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Moving Barnard Magnolia Tree

by Anonymous
November 25, 2015November 13, 2021

The latest in a string of arboreal savagery.…

World

Man Takes Pride in Watermelon Selection

by Thomas Germain
November 24, 2015November 13, 2021

"This is a good one."…

On Campus

Columbia Freshmen Gearing Up for Turkey Dump

by Noah Stein
November 23, 2015November 13, 2021

It's time for students to begin their exploratory drafts on their breakup scripts.…

On Campus

Replacing Halal and Kosher Food, John Jay Introduces Non-Denominational Meat Sludge

by The Feditorial Board
November 18, 2015November 13, 2021

Facing pressure from student groups, John Jay replaced its offerings with a more inclusive form of gunk.…

On Campus

Columbia Solves Campus Free Speech Issue By Charging For That, Too

by Max Rosenberg
November 17, 2015November 13, 2021

In our opinion, [redacted].…

On Campus

“Giddy up, Brain!” Says Academic Cowboy

by Thomas Germain
November 16, 2015November 13, 2021

Yeeeeeehaw.…

On Campus

Columbia Halts Dorm Renovations Over Gentrification Concerns

by Anonymous
November 12, 2015November 13, 2021

Every room will now look out onto a shaft.…

On Campus

Lerner Hall Collapses Under The Weight of Unchecked Mail

by Max Rosenberg
November 11, 2015November 13, 2021

It looks like it's Ferris Booth's day off.…

On Campus

Biomedical Engineering Society Projects “Please Have Sex With Us” Onto Low Library

by Pierre Joseph Gambon
November 10, 2015November 13, 2021

"I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably take after my favorite amoeba and just reproduce asexually."…

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