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Politics - Page 3

Politics

Nevada Intentionally Delayed Vote-Counting So Americans Could Continue Seeing Steve Kornacki’s Butt on Kornacki Cam

by Rhea Sahai
November 8, 2020September 8, 2021

“In such a stressful time, the only thing that could bring joy to Americans was Steve Kornacki and his number-crunching, democracy-saving, khaki-wearing keister.”…

Politics

Cali Girl Weighs in: “Based on What I Know about Western Pennsylvania…”

by Zoe Davidson
November 6, 2020September 8, 2021

“Based on what I know about Western Pennsylvania,” Becket began, “Biden’s confusing messaging on fracking in the final debate may have cost him votes in Erie county. Fracking is SUCH an important…

Politics

TRUMP NUKES PENNSYLVANIA: “Let’s see these motherfuckers count ballots now!”

by Julian Gerber
November 5, 2020September 8, 2021

Trump campaign manager Bill Stepien told The Federalist: “We believe in a fair election, which is why we let Pennsylvania count ballots for a whopping 40 hours before completely obliterating them.”…

Politics/World

Key State of Russia Too Close to Call

by Nurasyl Shokeyev
November 5, 2020September 8, 2021

…

Arts and Culture/Politics

Top Four Spotify Playlists to Get You Through the Impending Civil War

by Matthew Nola and Nikhil Mehta
November 4, 2020September 20, 2021

3. The “My avocado toast was literally shot out of my hand” playlist:Owie! Right now you probs just need some chill vibes to relax while they start amputating but also you’re really…

Politics

A Presidential Stool: Bollinger Hospitalized, Not For COVID

by Dessa Gerger
October 11, 2020September 8, 2021

. According to the students, Bollinger turned his camera off, presumably mistaking it for the mute button. Then, the class heard Mrs. Bollinger ask her husband if he had eaten her zuPoo…

Politics/World

International student: “US election was a lot more fun when my life didn’t depend on it”

by Nurasyl Shokeyev
October 10, 2020September 8, 2021

When asked if these restrictions felt like a fresh blow to an already difficult situation for international students in the US, Richard said, “You bet! I feel like I have been self-rejecting…

On Campus/Politics

PrezBo Scours Trump Tax Returns for Tips on Evading IRS

by Anonymous
October 1, 2020September 8, 2021

PrezBo told the Fed: “I was eager to find out how Trump managed to pay only $750 in taxes in 2016. I’m still paying closer to $1,000 in income tax -- I…

Politics

Barron Trump debates Biden’s Grandson, Robert Biden II, On Twitch

by Garrison Grogan
September 29, 2020September 8, 2021

A diverse range of questions were fielded by the streamers’ tireless unpaid moderators, such as “Energy drink preferences,” “Best FPS Esports scene,” and “Is U.S. democracy a bourgeois fraud, and should the…

On Campus/Politics/World

In Email Mourning Loss of Alumna Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Bollinger Downplays that Columbia was the Justice’s Safety School

by Zoe Davidson
September 23, 2020September 19, 2021

The email continued “Although Justice Ginsberg may have begun law school at Harvard and only transferred to Columbia to accommodate her husband’s new job, her diploma says ‘Columbia’ so we get to…

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