This Sunday, the Federal Emergency Management Agency officially designated McBain a “Disaster Area.” The agency typically reserves such designations for extreme events like wildfires, hurricanes, and nuclear meltdowns, but, according to a…
HotVax summer is upon us. Masks are off, fake IDs are out, and more than a few Columbia students have found themselves skipping summer classes and shirking internship work to savor the…
Vaccinations are up, cases are down, and Hot Girl Summer is here. Want to get steamy this summer? The Fed and, more importantly, Columbia Housing have your back. Just move into any…
Looking for the shortest possible commute? Carlton Arms, a little-known dorm sitting neatly between Hartley and Wallach, is beloved by Columbia students for its convenient location! Do note that looking up “Carlton…
At the undergraduate level, most vaccine decisions will be made based on major. A leaked list of majors shows that economics, computer science, physics, and mechanical engineering students will receive the vaccine…
Econ-cardio atrophius: Nearly all of Columbia’s econ majors suffer from this devastating condition wherein the act of consistently subordinating the needs of society to personal wealth causes the heart to atrophy. Common…
“I hadn’t left my house in days,” Green explained, after being asked to account for his late-night message. “I just desperately needed to talk to someone other than my parents and little…
When asked to comment, Huntington told The Fed, “Back in April, I had just finished watching Tiger King and honestly didn’t know what to do next. I was already tired of baking…
“Based on what I know about Western Pennsylvania,” Becket began, “Biden’s confusing messaging on fracking in the final debate may have cost him votes in Erie county. Fracking is SUCH an important…
In paragraph 36 of the email, Bollinger discussed plans for classes saying, “classes may be entirely in person, entirely online, or we might just set up some type of Hunger Games system…