“They say blood runs thicker than sauce… but for my brother Mike, that sauce wasn’t marinara; it was Italian dressing.” -Chef Don To understand the shocking—yet unreported—schism in the Columbia Dining community,…
This morning, one incredibly brave female Columbian made a shocking assertion when she discovered that one girl in her lecture was actually a Barnard student. “Oh, you go to Barnard? You’re so…
As a dedicated writer for the Columbia Federalist, I do my best to make sure that my content is on the cutting edge of pop culture. I strive to keep all Fed…
I believed the cliches in the media that as soon as I left for college, my parents would end their 20-year marriage. Well, here I am, halfway through my freshman year, looking…
We here at the Federalist are proud to announce that we are for boats. If our readers have had one complaint about our work over the years, it is that we haven’t…
Columbia’s Uncircumsized Men’s Society (CUMS) has come out this week with an open letter to the Columbia community calling out the university on “decades of marginalization.” CUMS is demanding more architectural representation…
In a shocking email from Columbia University released mere moments ago, new data supplied by Columbia University shows that Columbia University ranks number one across all US News and World Report categories.…
Fresh off of landmark careers of blocking, stalling, and haggling their way to the front of the national stage, Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have become Columbia University’s newest hires. “We…
“Was I hoping to be president? Sure. But as anyone who knows me can attest, I’ve always said, ‘If I can’t be president, then I’d want to be a dead ghost roaming…
