Who needs to leave home and make new friends when you can participate in never-ending awkward ice breakers supervised by upperclassmen?”…
“Everything changed for me when they uploaded the Hamilton soundtrack to Spotify,” she said. “That was when I got really into the play and became a U.S. history expert.” (Curiously, Kaiser received…
President Bollinger wrote, “The extraordinary efforts of our white students, faculty, and staff have made our relentless endeavor towards gentrification a reality. Though the COVID-19 pandemic tests our willpower, we are determined…
Ivy+ has acquired the rights to produce a mini-series called Finals vs. Eating Clubs, a film about Alexander Hamilton that Lin-Manuel Miranda has stressed he has no affiliation with, and a documentary…
Following President Lee Bolligner’s announcement that the Fall semester will be fully online, Columbia Dining has unveiled a brand new, virtual dining plan to keep milking accommodate students who will not return…
“Next season is looking very promising for us,” Declares Columbia Football Coach after every other School Cancels Season…
SSOL Crashing: Once every pandemic, Columbia decides to open the gates of the virtual gladiatorial colosseum that is the SSOL registration page, allowing students to fight over precious Zoom spots in Sunil…
Make friends and have sex…
While the exact details are yet to be finalised, it is rumored that the class will be taught by Barack Obama—our famous alum who, as an international from Kenya, quit smoking nearly…
“Screw it, turn it in whenever you want! It’s not like thousands of students are hanging onto your every word or anything,” the email read.…
