Ilan Cohen | The Columbia Federalist

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Ilan Cohen

Featured

Columbia GS Also Shut Down on Sunday, Management Announces

by Ilan Cohen
December 18, 2023December 18, 2023

Columbia University’s School of General Studies (GS) announced that the school has closed its doors for good this Sunday. This sudden shuttering has sent a wave of disbelief and confusion throughout the…

Breaking News/Business

BREAKING: The Blue and White Reports Annual Budget Gone Missing

by Ilan Cohen
September 21, 2023September 21, 2023

Moments ago, The Blue and White Magazine editors released a statement calling for the return of the briefcase containing their annual allocated budget by the Activities Board at Columbia. The metal briefcase,…

Breaking News/On Campus

‘But My Emails!’ Professor Clinton Speaks out After Failing Duo Two-Factor Authentication

by Ava Young-Stoner and Ilan Cohen
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Rumors began circulating on Tuesday afternoon that former Secretary of State and recently-appointed SIPA professor Hillary Rodham Clinton has been unable to access her Columbia email. The former secretary confirmed these rumors…

On Campus

Horse Adderall “Way Better” than Person Adderall, says Columbia First-Year

by Ilan Cohen and Yoni Kurtz
December 12, 2021December 12, 2021

Citing recent research funded by the Columbia Republicans Club and clinical trials done in a third-floor Carman dorm, first-year students confirmed that the equestrian form of amphetamine totally slaps. Like hard. “I…

On Campus

In Honor of Hanukkah, Here’s a List of Things That Last Longer Than They Should

by Ilan Cohen, Benjamin Scherzer and Nurasyl Shokeyev
November 30, 2021June 16, 2022

Friends from NSOP One ReopenCU daily attestation SSOL’s downtime during course registration  Your 8:40am lecture  Your student debt The bedsheets that you haven’t washed since your mom made your bed in August …

On Campus

Jewish Students Celebrate Return to In-person Classes by Missing Entire First Month

by Ilan Cohen
September 19, 2021September 19, 2021

Following a year of Zoom classes, Jewish students eagerly returned to campus this September.  The return to campus has meant the return of age-old Columbia traditions, such as first years over-drinking at…

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