Moments ago, The Blue and White Magazine editors released a statement calling for the return of the briefcase containing their annual allocated budget by the Activities Board at Columbia.
The metal briefcase, containing $13,042.00 USD was left on the sundial “for, like, just a minute, I swear!!!!” said The Blue and White’s finance director Lauren Unterburger (BC ‘24).
In response to the news, Columbia has deployed dozens of trained students in black suits and sunglasses still looking for the briefcase. “We’re gonna find it,” said some very, very serious looking SEAS students wearing Ray Bans.
In other, unrelated news, YouTube personality Mr. Beast was briefly seen on campus this morning. Fed sources say the social media star was en route to film a video at NYU’s Stern School of Business.
