By Lee Bollinger I served as Columbia’s president for more than twenty years, even extending my tenure to keep the school stable during a global pandemic. For even longer, I worked to…
In a heretofore unseen display of brutality, Economics Professor Ben Gordon quietly revised the deadline for Problem Set 3 of UN2178: The German Economy from 11:59 PM to 11:58 PM, resulting in…
Last Sunday at 11:59 pm, Cafe East employee Earl Yearling returned from his smoke break to check on his latest batch of boba when he spotted two men deconstructing the on-campus café’s…
Following a visit to campus by inspectors from the Middle States Commission on Higher Education, the Columbia Graduate School of Architecture, Planning and Preservation was shut down in a mere thirty seconds.…
According to sources at Uris Library, seventeen different students were seen entering a private study room to claim it as their own. Reportedly, each student made a claim that they reserved it…
Following a rambunctious Halloween party, Sarah Fitzgerald (CC ‘25) was heard drunkenly joking to a friend how her “Instagram stories will keep [her] out of office forever!” Sarah, who has already gained…
A classroom of environmental science and engineering majors was befuddled recently by the strange enthusiasm of Professor Matthew Nguyen as he explained the effects of ocean acidification on the ocean’s role as…
Choosing to prioritize his studies, Zachary Chen (SEAS ‘26) rested well at 10:30 PM to prepare for his 8:40 AM class, inadvertently missing out on a life-changing connection that would otherwise shape…
No fucking way. I swear to god I just saw him walking into Low Library. This can’t be real, I thought they locked him in the Manhattanville campus or something. Somebody, please…
