ASPEN, CO—A shocking new report from the Department of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes has exposed an undercover collaboration between BigSki and BigKneeDoctor, with insiders alleging that ski resorts have been intentionally…
Have you been enjoying The Fed’s content this year? Love the creative direction? Well, I hate to break it to you, but The Fed is run by SECRET NEPO BABIES. See the…
toothbrush tussle: NOUN, a battle between two people at a communal bathroom sink over who can brush for longer and therefore be better and smarter and win at life I don’t exactly…
An Official Statement from The Office of Cuomo For Mayor Ciao New York! It’s your favorite overly handsy Italian American, and I’m seeking your vote for Mayor of New York! I know…
Recently, there has been an uptick of students who try so, so hard to be nonchalant in their everyday lives on campus. Examples of this nonchalant behaviour include avoiding eye contact with…
Dear Columbia Students, We’ve heard your complaints. Despite our new locations this year, there is still one major glaring issue we haven’t been able to address when looking across all of Columbia’s…
BREAKING—According to a new email from CUIT, Columbia Housing’s internal electronic database experienced a complete blackout late last night. “Our technicians are working around the clock to try to restore this system,”…
Due to Barnard’s recently publicized debt troubles, administrators have been searching for any easy cost-cutting measures to take to potentially ease the financial burden facing the school. This week, Barnard administrators finally…
In the midst of Columbia’s room selection process, campus has been buzzing over new, controversial rulings by the campus housing department; namely, the decision to use East Campus, a long-time promised dwelling…
Trad-wife, Mormon TikToker Nara Smith, aiming to create slime without using glue or borax, accidentally whipped up a batch of mustard gas—leading to her biggest scandal since making sunscreen out of rotisserie…
