I’m not smart, I just have Seasonal Affective Disorder. That white square on my wall is not a boarding school diploma, it’s a lightbox. When I’m sad, the light gets brighter, but…
Sorry Prezbo, but I’m Prezhoe. I’m 8,500 cubic feet of powerful sexual energy, a big Barnard Baddie. I’m an inflatable Snoopy balloon looking for my Red Baron. Show up at 5:00 am…
We are deeply saddened to learn that Deantini plans to step down as the Dean of Columbia College at the end of this academic year. However, it is hereby declared that The…
Inferno: Canto I Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost. Ah me! how hard a thing it is…
Back then, there weren’t any pesky child labor laws. I earned my stripes first in a blacking factory, then as a chimney sweep for Charles Dickens. According to the town physician I…
It’s time to break out those safety scissors from your second grade pencil box. (Poultry scissors will suffice in a pinch.) Just grab a chunk of hair from the center of your…
And look, I’m not saying that I’m going to reenact the end of The Shining, I’m just open to the possibility.…
Ben and Jerry, wherever you are, I am requesting a threesome. Get your humanitarian asses out of Vermont and to my apartment PRONTO.…
One thing led to another, and my night, I am sorry to say, ended in the basement of Mudd.…
No matter who wins, we called it.…
