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Elizabeth Meyer

Opinion

Happy Valentine’s Day; Pry Me Open Like a Plastic Clamshell

by Elizabeth Meyer
February 14, 2022February 13, 2022

Happy Valentine’s Day, babes. With this bitter weather, I am a woman wrapped in layers. When it comes to getting down and dirty, I whisper a seductive mantra.  As you peel down…

Opinion

No, I did not attend Philips Exeter, I Own a Philips Lightbox

by Elizabeth Meyer
December 10, 2021December 12, 2021

I’m not smart, I just have Seasonal Affective Disorder. That white square on my wall is not a boarding school diploma, it’s a lightbox. When I’m sad, the light gets brighter, but…

Arts and Culture

Haikus by Turkeys Before They Died

by Elizabeth Meyer
November 24, 2021December 12, 2021

I am a happy Turkey so happy I am Alive. Life is good. I have found myself. I have manifested good life. I think not of death. Everything sparks joy Farmer gives…

On Campus

I Thought My Roommate Really Liked Shrimp Poppers but She’s Actually Addicted to Poppers

by Elizabeth Meyer and Emily Olson
November 11, 2021November 11, 2021

I just met my new roommate and she seems really cool! She’s always talking about different foods and fun cuisines. She recommended we have a poppers night, so I’m running to H-Mart…

Featured

Dispatches from the Staten Island Ferry Halloween Takeover

by Elizabeth Meyer and Emily Olson
October 31, 2021November 15, 2021

7:54 PM: These silly little idiots think they’re going to Staten Island. Little do they know, they’re going to the spookiest Halloween party in Astoria. Toot toot, this boat is the same…

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