Bollinger declares himself the “Simba of this savannah.”…
Bollinger Cancels Classes Due to Coronavirus: Columbia Closes Campus, Creating Covid Conniption
by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Alex Horn
As of press time, several members of the Columbia Administration were spotted at JFK International Airport, wearing hazmat suits and waiting for a flight to Antarctica.…
One thing led to another, and my night, I am sorry to say, ended in the basement of Mudd.…
“Will there be someone there to sign me in?” - Faith Kwanzaa Rubenstein, BC ‘22. Major: Queering Intersectional Veganism…
When asked if the group members had any concerns about the carbon footprint of an animal-based meal, they all responded “carbon schmarbon” in perfect unison…
“I’m on the verge of a fucking breakdown. If I don’t get into ‘Earth, Moon, and Planets’ I might need to drop out and reconsider my entire future.”…
When Bollinger was later asked how this new anti-marching policy would apply to CUMB’s beloved ORGO night, he responded “I guess as long as they saunter into Butler, it should be chill.”…
She is distraught that Joey has not responded to her calls for weeks about his care package and that nice girl from Bacchanal.…
You can’t be emasculated by this guy. He’s got a ponytail, 1970s aviator glasses, and pink socks under his L. L. Bean boots.…
