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Alex Horn

On Campus

Online Classes to Continue through Fall 2020 Semester

by Alex Horn
April 1, 2020August 17, 2021

“Stay where you are, get comfortable, and continue to study hard. We’ll be here until December.”…

On Campus

Bollinger Cancels Classes Due to Coronavirus: Columbia Closes Campus, Creating Covid Conniption

by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Alex Horn
March 5, 2020August 17, 2021

As of press time, several members of the Columbia Administration were spotted at JFK International Airport, wearing hazmat suits and waiting for a flight to Antarctica.…

Opinion/World

The Fed Endorses Warren, Klobuchar, Sanders, Biden, Buttigieg, Yang, Bloomberg, and Trump

by Alex Horn
January 21, 2020October 21, 2021

No matter who wins, we called it.…

On Campus

Columbia Economics Department: “The Only Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism is Eating Ass”

by Alex Horn
March 10, 2019August 17, 2021

Professors in the Columbia Department of Economics confirmed that according to their research, the only product that can be morally consumed under our current economic system is the asshole of an acquaintance.…

On Campus

Freshman from Midwest Thinks “Duane Reade” Name of Campus Drug Dealer

by Alex Horn
October 30, 2017November 5, 2021

I could’ve sworn I heard my RA saying something about stopping by Duane Reade to ‘pick up a few things.’ Who knows what that could mean?”…

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