In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
As a child, I interpreted the novel From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler as my Bible and studied the Night at the Museum movie as if they were my…
Following the first snowfall of the semester, Barnard students have called a petition for the removal of an alleged snowman under the pretense of it being “too heteronormative.” Our sources show the…
‘Twas the night before my midterm, when all through the floor The athletes were stirring, those terrible whores. Their mouths pierced the restful reading room with flair, In hopes that one and…
Due to the shocking debt accumulated last fall, and the numerous controversies surrounding the institution, Barnard College announced that they have made the difficult decision to officially shut down all operations by…
Barnard Facilities has received an especially haunting maintenance request this Halloween season: cleansing a suite of an evil spirit. Beginning in early September, four Barnard suitemates in Suite 11A began to notice…
Barnard College has received upwards of 200 complaints from prospective students who hesitated to apply after viewing the requirement that applicants must “consistently live and identify as women.” She/theys around the country…
Following an agreement with Daddy Donald to carry out a comprehensive evaluation of their admissions practices, Columbia has finally released the results of their audit. Findings include a 39% international student enrollment…
It’s no secret that Barnard’s very own President Rosenbury has been the subject (read: creator) of quite a few scandals. Faithful to her stifling approach to governance, her approach to free speech…
Sloppy ballet escapades notwithstanding, President Laura Rosenbury is fearlessly taking on another Barnard class: First Year Writing. Spotted by several eagle-eyed students, she was noticed sneaking into Finding Your Voice: Opinion Writing…
