In a proud academic tradition that spans decades, Columbia University has unveiled its 2026 Commencement speaker; a deeply accomplished, globally respected, and entirely unrecognisable individual. Across the city, NYU casually announced Sarah…
After four years of vocal dissatisfaction, multiple near-transfers, and at least one dramatic declaration of “I cannot do this anymore,” Columbia senior Hipp O. Crite (CC ’26) has realized he “actually loves…
In a stunning Valentine’s-adjacent tragedy unfolding in real time, Barnard sophomore Delu Sion (BC ’27) has reportedly fallen deeply, irrationally, and spiritually against her will in love with a Columbia man, after…
In a bold display of transparency, Columbia University announced that next year’s tuition hike will go directly toward producing more high-quality emails informing students about said tuition hike. The announcement came in…
Everyone says the Columbia dating scene is dead, but those people clearly haven’t logged into the most exclusive app on campus: Butler Library. Forget Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble, Butler is the only…
