In a stunning Valentine’s-adjacent tragedy unfolding in real time, Barnard sophomore Delu Sion (BC ’27) has reportedly fallen deeply, irrationally, and spiritually against her will in love with a Columbia man, after…
In their February newsletter, Barnard Dining announced the opening of a new seasonal kissing booth located just behind the blind-corner staircase at the entrance of Hewitt Dining Hall. A recent survey, composed…
Upon seeing tremendous box office success upon its release this past weekend, the First Lady’s new documentary, “Melania,” has been announced as the 2026 Athena Film Festival opening night screening. “‘Melania’ was…
In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
As a child, I interpreted the novel From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler as my Bible and studied the Night at the Museum movie as if they were my…
Following the first snowfall of the semester, Barnard students have called a petition for the removal of an alleged snowman under the pretense of it being “too heteronormative.” Our sources show the…
‘Twas the night before my midterm, when all through the floor The athletes were stirring, those terrible whores. Their mouths pierced the restful reading room with flair, In hopes that one and…
Following an agreement with Daddy Donald to carry out a comprehensive evaluation of their admissions practices, Columbia has finally released the results of their audit. Findings include a 39% international student enrollment…
Due to the shocking debt accumulated last fall, and the numerous controversies surrounding the institution, Barnard College announced that they have made the difficult decision to officially shut down all operations by…
Barnard Facilities has received an especially haunting maintenance request this Halloween season: cleansing a suite of an evil spirit. Beginning in early September, four Barnard suitemates in Suite 11A began to notice…
