In a college-wide email yesterday, Barnard officials announced that they had completed an independent legal review of the Epstein files, concluding that there is no evidence of a relationship between Jeffrey Epstein…
In a stunning Valentine’s-adjacent tragedy unfolding in real time, Barnard sophomore Delu Sion (BC ’27) has reportedly fallen deeply, irrationally, and spiritually against her will in love with a Columbia man, after…
Amidst the sensual snowy atmosphere, all members of the Columbia community are beginning to stir in anticipation of Valentine’s Day. Now is the time that traditional and modern romantics alike rack their…
Atmospheric researchers at Columbia’s Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory have recently confirmed that humidity levels at the construction site of Barnard College’s Roy and Diana Vagelos Science Center (also known as the Vag Center,…
In their February newsletter, Barnard Dining announced the opening of a new seasonal kissing booth located just behind the blind-corner staircase at the entrance of Hewitt Dining Hall. A recent survey, composed…
Upon seeing tremendous box office success upon its release this past weekend, the First Lady’s new documentary, “Melania,” has been announced as the 2026 Athena Film Festival opening night screening. “‘Melania’ was…
In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
‘Twas the night before my midterm, when all through the floor The athletes were stirring, those terrible whores. Their mouths pierced the restful reading room with flair, In hopes that one and…
Following the first snowfall of the semester, Barnard students have called a petition for the removal of an alleged snowman under the pretense of it being “too heteronormative.” Our sources show the…
As a child, I interpreted the novel From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler as my Bible and studied the Night at the Museum movie as if they were my…
